hi, God

acts 9

As I was reading about Saul and how he comes to Christ as a follower instead of a persecutor, I realized how a lot of us are like the disciples.

When Saul joins the group, the disciples doubt, are still scared of Saul because of what he has done in the past, instead of rejoicing about the fact that another brother has finally joined the family.

How often do we do this? We know someone from the past… the DARK past. You don’t see them for a while, and you meet them again, and they are Jesus crazy, and you’re thinking, “WHAAAA? NO WAY! YOU WERE SO BAD!” instead of being joyful and also sad that you never tried to bring them towards Christ. Or you see an acquaintance coming to Christ because of a retreat or revival, and you may think, “We’ll see what he/she is like a couple months after retreat is over,” instead of “YAY ANOTHER BROTHER/SISTER THAT I CAN GROW WITH!” I’m not saying that this is the case for everyone, but I’m saying that it can be difficult for me to just accept them and be happy, because there’s always that ounce of doubt. And with that ounce of doubt is the past image I have of that person.

Wow, and as much as I say that I don’t want to judge, it just comes. NATURALLY. HOW AWFUL.

Genesis is drama-filled.

1 john 5:3-5

3 This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome,

4 for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.

5 Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

In Him, I will conquer.

For Him, I will obey.

I haven’t been the best at overcoming the world, but I will strive to be holy and to love. With His help, of course.

I pray for discernment between Your voice and my voice, Your will and my will.

1 john 4:16

16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned how I think about my actions that I believe to be out of love. I probably have mentioned this a few times actually… how sometimes if I think about it at the end of the day, my act of love can be seen as something fake. But now, I’m not going to think that. God gave me an opportunity to love and I took it. Perhaps deep down inside, it wasn’t what I wanted to do, but it was done.

It feels good to love. Do you feel good when you don’t love? Didn’t think so… I think that’s why when I miss an opportunity, it just feels that much worse. Like right now, this little girl is talking to me nonstop next to me, and to be honest it’s a little annoying. HAHA, no love there, as cute as she is. And, as annoyed as I am, I feel bad that I’m annoyed. HAHA, and she can notice that I’m not in the happiest. Sigh, how innocent and transparent children are.

I remember Daniel Youn telling me his first impression. (Wow, I just kicked out two little children out of my room, promising them that I would play with them after posting this blog. WOW LYNN HUH, so hypocritical and your action totally does not reflect on Daniel’s first impression of you…) Well, this verse just reminded me of what he said to me.

God’s love flows through you.

So as much as I fail to love every moment of the day, if I live in Him, I should strive to love, and He will be in me. :) Time to make mashed potatoes and entertain a 5-year old and 3-year old.

1 john 3:16-20

16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.

17 If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has not pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?

18 Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

19 This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence

20 whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

I have questioned quite a bit about my notions of love towards other people. Am I doing this out of obligation? Am I doing this so that I am loved back? Am I doing this out of pure altruism? Am I doing this simply out of love?

I don’t want to think that I am fake in what I do. I really do try to show love in different ways. (5 love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, physical touch) But, to be honest, I’m never too sure of my ultimate motives, but it says right here, He knows, and that’s all that really matters, I guess.

I don’t need credit for anything, as long as He knows my sincerity.

And that’s how I want my heart to be, selfless. I want to be loving, without expecting anything back. That will be hard, of course. I’m human. HAH! But, I want to be able to express love in those 5 love languages without expecting something greater or of equal value from that person. As much as you show love, there should be some that come back in other ways, right? It’s like respect, I guess in a sense. But, even if that person (i.e. enemies) doesn’t show any form of love, I want to be able to love.

I don’t think I’m making much sense anymore…

I wonder how many people feel loved from, “Hey, let’s hang out sometime!” I think I do, but it’s disappointing when that doesn’t really happen. I’m guilty of this of course… so a… challenge? commitment? promise? Don’t say empty words… Now I just need to remember how many people I’ve said that I would hang out with, but never came through with it.

All I have to say is that nothing tops His love.

John 15:13 -Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

No one has greater love than Him. BESTEST friend, definitely.

1 john 2:15-17

It’s been a while hasn’t it? I’ve been through a type of spiritual crisis, I guess you can say… A lot of thoughts, still there, have been bothering and challenging me, but I’ve been encouraged to search again!

15 Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

16 For everything in the world- the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does- comes not from the Father but from the world.

17 The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.

I have actually started to read Romans this past Tuesday, but I just wanted to share this passage. (I’ve decided that I should revisit passages, so that it’s not something that I “read”, to make sure that I have actually understood and processed it)

I haven’t thought much about it, but I just see more and more how so many messages are repeated throughout the Bible.

One of the questions I had- What makes me different from good, non-Christian people out there in this world today? Well, the fact that I have Christ, but what makes me different? They serve in their communities, they don’t steal, etc., but what makes me different in the way I live? I think this has been a struggle of mine. There are people out there that don’t know Christ that simply don’t do things because they find them immoral. For us, we don’t follow the world because we’re commanded to, they are immoral according to God. So how are we different from people that do all the good actions, but don’t believe in Jesus? (This paragraph is pretty much unrelated to the passage, but I would really like some help on this…)

It’s always passages concerning the world that attracts my attention, most likely because of the fact that I am in college where I am surrounded by temptations and my curiosity pikes. It just reminds me of Pastor Dave’s sermon, graduation service 2009, where he stated that there is nothing in this world that will satisfy us. Only Jesus.

As much as it’s been a struggle interacting with non-Christians, God showed me that there are fellow Christians out here on UCI that know the Gospel.

I want to be a branch that bears fruit, and to be quite honest, I don’t know if I have bore any. I want to be useful.

Wow, this is what happens when there are so many scattered thoughts… Posts that are mumbled and jumbled.

Perhaps by striving to be set apart, I could bear fruit as I set an example.

I pray God, that I don’t fall into worldly things. It’s so hard, Father… I’ve fallen countless times, but thank You for picking me back up. Please get rid of the sinful cravings in my life. Help me, God, please…

1 john 1:5-10

So, I’ve been reading through 1 John this week.

5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.

6 If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth.

7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.

9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us out sings and purify us from all unrighteousness.

10 If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar, and his word has no place in our lives.

Pretty clear on what is said, yes?

We, well, I fall back into darkness a lot I feel. Maybe not in ways that you fall into darkness, but I still fall into darkness.

Striving to be holy in this world is probably one of the hardest things, but who said that following Jesus was an easy thing? In the end, He’s the one doing everything.

After getting out of that darkness, it’s another obstacle and struggle to try and not fall back into that same darkness again. BUT, it’s important to try. Don’t give up so easily…

Mm, I don’t know what else to say…

john 5:1-15

1 Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews.

2 Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades.

3 Here a great number of disabled people used to lie- the blind, the lame, the paralyzed.

5 One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years.

6 When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

7 “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

8 Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”

9 At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

The day on which this took place was a Sabbath,

10 and so the Jews said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat.”

11 But he replied, “The man who made me well said to me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’”

12 So they asked him, “Who is this fellow who told you to pick it up and walk?”

13 The man who was healed had no idea who it was, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd that was there.

14 Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.”

15 The man went away and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had made him well.

Where’s verse 4? O___________________O

I wish I lived in the time of Jesus. I wish Jesus would show up and say to me, “Don’t worry anymore about dizziness, headaches, loss of balance, and poor coordination. I have taken out the tumors and the genetic defect in your body.” Then, I would jump around, rejoicing, telling people about how good He is, how amazing He is, that He indeed does exist.

I’ll admit that I forget that I have a disease. Time to time, I get weird headaches. I don’t know if that’s how everyone feels when they get a headache, but I don’t think it’s a normal headache. Once in a while, I lose my balance. Sometimes, I feel dizzy. Rarely, I don’t have very good coordination. These are times that I relate it back to the fact that I am indeed sick. I am always sick. It may not be the common flu, whatsoever, but I am sick. No matter how much I would like to be healthy I am sick. I don’t like to point it back to VHL, but sometimes other people point it back, by asking if it’s because of what I have.

Health is such a wonderful gift.

From this passage…

OBEDIENCE and FAITH are KEY.

This man had no idea that it was Jesus, but he obeyed. He just picked that mat up, not doubting, “Um, hello? I am a paralyzed man. Who do you think you are? Are you crazy?” He just picked it up. You know, that verse about the faith a size of a mustard seed. As desperate as this man was, I would like to think that this man was betting everything on Jesus, even though he didn’t know it was Jesus.

I lack that. I haven’t been very prayerful lately (Woo, sudden pulsing in head, ow) and that is a problem. I forget, leave it up to other people to pray for me, when essentially it is MY problem. Is it the lack of faith? I’m not sure to be honest. If I were truly obedient I guess I would be praying about it constantly. Or is it faith that makes me just leave it up to Him? Even with that faith though, I should be praying constantly, right?

SO! A challenge to myself. Whether it be a long prayer or just a sentence, pray for myself. “God heal me” or “God stop the growth.” And I hope that it would be a sincere prayer of faith. A prayer believing that He will indeed heal, provide, SOMETHING good.

Hopefully, I make a visit to the hospital/student health center soon. HEHE, I’ve been so bad about that. I just wish I wasn’t too lazy. After midterms, I promise. Now that I’ve promised, I can’t go back on it. Someone keep me accountable, please. Call me, text me, bother me till I go.

And strive to not sin. There are even the littlest things. SIN SIN SIN. I don’t want anything worse happening to me, now. Maybe that’s why I’ve been sick this weekend.

OBEY, HAVE FAITH, and PRAY.

matthew 5:38-42

38 You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’

39 But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

40 And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.

41 If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

I’ve realized how I go back and forth with my Bible readings and that a lot of it is from the book of Matthew so far. Perhaps starting Monday, I’ll actually go in order. Not cover everything perhaps, but like read a book in order and when I see something I’d like to write about, I’ll write about it. Suggestions?

I think I’ve mentioned in another post about how sometimes it can be foolish of me to let things go. Maybe something along those lines. I give in easily I guess. Especially with friendship, it’s a lot easier for me to apologize first when I’m not necessarily at fault.

Now, I’d just like to think, what’s the point though? If you love them, why not be the “bigger person”? We’re called to love, right?

Yes, I am human, and it is a struggle to simply just love someone. I struggled with this one person in my life. I talked to this person about how I am struggling with forgiving that person and that this person should pray for me and that I find peace in my heart. Later, I told June that this person would be someone that I don’t seek for help unless I really need it, but if this person ever needs help and needs me, then I’d be open to help.

I guess this sounds like an angry mentality… BUT, I do wish I am a person that doesn’t close off others because they have done me wrong. Perhaps I won’t be the one approaching them, but I want them to be able to approach me for whatever.

It can be impossible to do all these nice things to people that do you wrong, but let’s think about Jesus. Um, yeah, we humans, suck. We sin, over and over, but He forgives, again and again. So as much as people make me angry over and over, I want to be forgiving again and again. It’s going to be hard, yes. I’m going to get sick of it, yes. But, maybe with a little bit of time and practice, I can do this.

EXEMPLIFY CHRIST LOVE, YO!